23 May: It's been a long time... sorry about that! (Jen)
We've been quite busy lately, sharing meals with friends, running errands, learning more about baby things, making an apartment-sized composter, planting seeds (peas, beans, basil, and a lettuce mix), and getting home-brew supplies together (we're currently brewing wine, apple cider, and mead). The weather's been warm and wonderful, too, so we try to have our meals outside on our balcony with finches who have started coming to our bird feeder. They recently had babies, so they chirp all day long and we even get to watch the momma feed them: she crunches up seeds from the feeder and then flies down to whichever branch one of her babies is on, and drops the crumbs into its mouth. It's so beautiful to watch! Watching this momma reminds me of what I'm doing right now for our baby! She needs me to digest things for her. Crazy. It's a lot of responsibility, and a lot of work.
Lately I've noticed that if I don't take naps as soon as I feel tired, I get cranky and depressed. I think this is preparing me for understanding our daughter more. It's like I've become a two year-old or something -- and I have to tell myself to just stop and take a nap. I'm finally gaining wait now, too! I've gained about 13 pounds since we got pregnant, so I'm right on track! My fundus is 26 cm high -- still on the large side for this point in the pregnancy, but not a problem. The ultrasound located the placenta as just south of my belly button, so away from my back. This usually means that momma has a harder time feeling her baby because the placenta dulls the sensation of movement, but I feel Sophie all the time! She's a busy little girl. The ultrasound also measured lots of her "parts" -- she's pretty average so far, except her belly, which is large. So at some point they want to do a gestational diabetes screen on me. Also, my blood is type B negative. We just had Ben's blood drawn, but he's pretty sure that his is type A positive. This means that at our next appointment with the midwives (June 24), I will probably be receiving an injection of rhogam, so that my body won't develop antibodies against our baby in the case that she has Ben's positive blood in her. The decision to receive the injection is actually quite controversial in some circles, as rhogam is derived from someone else's donated blood. So many controversial decisions... so little energy to make them. So we're following the majority on this one.
With all of her moving and measurements, she is really feeling more like a specific person, not just "a baby", but a unique individual with her own unique characteristics and qualities. I keep looking at children who are two years old and younger, feeling a whole new sense of appreciation for their personhood. Humans are -- well, actually, all life is -- miracle.
9 May: She's becoming a real person to me! (Jen)
Ben's been out of town for a few days, leaving me here to talk to... not myself, but to Sophie! Before Ben left, we were trying on names for our daughter, and the last one we picked was Sophia Grace. So I find myself talking to her a lot, calling her "Sophie". This name may not stick!!! But it's fun for now. It's fun because every once in a while I feel her move and I can pretend that it's in response to our "dialogue". It's strange how having a name for her really helps move her from being a concept to being a person. Another helpful thing for that is her movement. She moves a lot in church, so I can tell that she likes it there -- I think she must like the organ, or when the congregation sings... She moves a lot at night, too. And when I eat more during the day, she kicks more -- less, and she scares me because she moves so infrequently. All of that helps me to imagine that she has a personality -- and therefore a real sense of personhood. Here are some photos of me/Sophie's home that my friend, Melanie, took last night. She also did my make-up and hair.
3 May: Ben felt our daughter move! (Jen)
Last night, after supper, we were reclining in the living room and I felt several strong movements, so I told Ben that I didn't want to annoy him (for the last week or so, I keep getting him to put his hand on my belly to try to feel the baby, but he never does), but maybe he might be able to feel her... so he came over and put his head on my belly. Not only could he feel her move, he could hear her -- like a small beat on a drum!! YAY! I was sooooo happy that he could feel our daughter, too! And he told her that he loves her so much and that he can't wait to see her and play with her. It made my heart light and glad. HOORAY!
3 May: Lament for fathers (Ben)
Where are the fathers?
Our sons and daughters grow
Up to maturity to know
Mostly a mother’s touch
Pregnancy is a woman’s world
They tell me
Women’s books and women’s parties
Do fathers not feel
The sting of birth?
Do they not need advice
Encouragement? To bring a child
Into the world
Well?
I don’t know
Where fathers go
Maybe they do not go at all
Maybe this maternal world was not
Constructed with them in mind
But why then
Should we criticize
Them for daring not
To enter?