2008 29 February: Some man-to-man advice. (Ben)
I'm surprised that many married men don't pay enough attention to their wife's body and what it does. I don't mean just looking at or admiring it, I mean paying attention with a view to getting to know them. For example, I'm surprised that many men are not aware of the fact that many women have discharge most of the month - not just during their 'period.' That means their panties, and maybe even their trousers, are damp or moist for a good portion of their lives. How would you feel if you had to deal with that? You really can't change anything about it, but just knowing it will help you appreciate the potential frustrations your wife deals with on a day-to-day basis. Another example: get to know your wife's vagina (if she's comfortable with it, of course). Realize it's not just the place where you put your hmm hmm once and a while but a very intricate and delicate (not to mention fascinating) part of the human body. Jen and I have had a lot of fun with a mirror getting to know what's going on down there. I wonder if for some men that part is either quite foreign (or even scary) or they associate looking at it with looking at pornography. It has been incredibly helpful for me to get to know it as another, albeit special, part of Jen's body. Or her breasts - get to know them - not as sexual objects but as, well, breasts! This has the effect of getting to know your wife as a whole person and appreciating her as such. And, it makes your sex life better. You have an idea of what you're actually doing. That reminds me of another thing - talk during foreplay and sex. If it messes things up for that particular time - who cares, you can do it again later. But as you talk you'll become more comfortable with sex and you'll both get better at pleasing the other (that's right - it's your job to please her, not yourself, see I Corinthians 7:4-5).
So why am I talking about this on a pregnancy blog? Well, first of all, I just want to say it, and I want to say it in a context that is geared particularly toward married people. But secondly, this 'getting to know her body' becomes immensely important during pregnancy. The reason is that your wife feels like she's going through a second puberty and doesn't even know her own body. If you're in the habit of getting to know the inner workings of her body, you'll be more sympathetic and helpful as she feels like she has to learn her body all over again. And she may be forgetful, which means that when she feels something she can't remember feeling before, but actually has, you can reassure her with 'remember honey, you already felt that.' - but don't lie just to make her shut up - the goal is to be helpful. Oh, and another helpful thing - read pregnancy books with her - it will help you and will encourage her to know that you two are in this together.
25 February: On mucus plugs and getting to know my kidneys. (Jen)
One of the first signs that my body was changing was an insane amount of discharge -- almost like a transparent period. Yup, before my breasts began to swell, before I felt extra-fatigued, and within a week of missing my period, the mucus plug made its presence known. "What", you may ask, "is a mucus plug?" Well, it's just one more of those things they didn't teach us in Sex Ed, but should have. After that one special swimmer beats out all 5 million or so of his closest buddies and implants his head in an egg, the one who issued that egg seeks to protect it. So, basically, once my body knew that there was some fertilization going on down there, it sealed up my uterus by creating a big snot plug and wedging it in my cervix (the opening to my uterus -- kinda like the opposite of the fundus). And, get this: that plug is the only thing that keeps bad things out of, and the baby etc. in, my uterus! So some women think that jumping into a pool late in pregnancy could dislodge that plug and bring on disaster. This business of baby-growing is really precarious. No wonder God made us to like having sex -- we have to increase the probability that a fertilized egg just might make it for 9 months, protected by just a slimy mucus plug! Oh, and supposedly "passing" the plug is a sign that labor is about to begin. So, I noticed the plug being "built" in the first week, and now, 11 weeks into pregnancy, I'm noticing what every woman has in varying amounts: an increased amount of discharge. Yup, like I'm on a 9-month transparent period. No embarrassing stains, but still not cool at all. But at least my bladder seems to be working better than ever! In fact, I still don't get out of bed at night to pee -- I just hold it until I wake up in the morning with two piercing pains in my lower back (why do we say that instead of "upper butt" which is really more like it?) which can only be relieved by peeing. My poor kidneys. They're gonna be hating me by the end of this. But I really trust them now -- even more than my bladder!
21 February: I feel like I have mono -- again. (Jen)
Here's hoping that all pregnant women don't feel like I do right now. It's like mono: weak, dizzy, faint, nauseous, and terrible stuff going on with my intestines. There's a rumor that a stomach flu is going around. Maybe I caught it. Well, I'd better drink some more water and go back to sleep now... more later. Oh, and no bi-manual so far!
11 February: The "bi-manual". (Jen)
The bi-manual exam (aka "internal exam") is now my greatest fear -- far above a fire, an earthquake, or even getting robbed. And I have to go in for it in exactly 7 days. Lord, have mercy. What To Expect describes the exam: "with one hand in the vagina and one on the abdomen and also possibly through the rectum and vagina" (Murkoff, 107). I have two theories as to why no one has ever told me about this: 1) it is so violating that most women block it out of their memories and honestly don't remember that it happened; 2) doctors tell pregnant women that if word of this exam got out, the human race might cease to reproduce and therefore they're morally obliged to keep it on the down low. My mom says that it was never done to her, but it might be because her pregnancies were over 30 years ago. Frankly, I think advances in science should promote things like sonograms, not bimanuals. Besides, the baby's about as big as a grape at this point -- what can one distinguish about a grape by squishing it with already-squished fingers while inside my privates?!! Ben's family raised beef cattle for a while and both Ben and his dad did this kind of exam on pregnant cows to estimate how far along a pregnancy was -- feeling for things like hoofs. Poor cows. I feel great pity for them and the many violations of their private parts. But I'm not a cow! And I don't ever want anyone sticking their hand(s) up my vagina -- nor my rectum! There must be a better way.
09 February: I'm finally drying up -- sort of. (Jen)
I'm finally not having much discharge at all (Ben offered to post an explanation of discharge, so I'll let him do that), but I'm sweating all the time. Really. Multiple times each night I wake up to find myself covered in sweat. Most of the day I feel hot, and I start sweating if I "go for a walk" for more than about 6 minutes. Pathetic. I often feel like there's not enough air in the room, too. Humidity at all can make me feel ill, which makes the idea of a warm bath a lot less relaxing and romantic -- I'd rather stand on the balcony in my only nightgown that still fits. Oh, and have I mentioned the drooling? For some reason pregnant women develop excess saliva -- I have! -- and it tends to just drip out whenever it has a chance to escape my mouth. It's a very cool feeling to look down and notice that while you were pontificating to your husband, you must have also been drroling all over your chest and lap. Yah. Very cool. But the second trimester is supposed to be much better... Oh, exciting new vocab word: fundus, meaning the top of the uterus, or the hollow part farthest away from the organ's opening. Try to use that word three times in regular conversation today.
08 February: Four extra pounds of blood! (Jen)
07 February: The kitchen. (Jen)
I have mixed feelings about the kitchen lately. I am often hungry and I know that the kitchen holds what satisfies -- and prevents nausea. However, no matter how carefully Ben has cleaned up after preparing me something to eat, I can smell things in there... things must be rotting in the pipes, in the garbage under the sink, on the floor, or maybe in the sponge? And just the sight of leftovers (which crowd the fridge because I tend to lose my appetite mid-way through meals these days) can make me feel nauseous as well. I go in there to get a quick snack as soon as I begin to feel nauseous, but I'm immediately compelled to get out the Lysol sanitizing wipes and go nuts until I'm so fatigued that I forget why I'm even in the kitchen, instead of lying down in bed, where I should be. I'm reading through the "bible" on pregnancy, What to Expect When You're Expecting (I've received two copies from good friends so far), and they say that "in some ways, your pregnant body is working harder even when you're resting than a nonpregnant body is when mountain-climbing" (Murkoff, 114). Tonight, Ben and I watched a movie and I put up my feet on the couch... and began smelling my own foot odor. So I put on a pair of socks. It wasn't long before I could smell my feet through them! So I took the socks off and complained to Ben about my wet, sweaty feet and my over-developed sense of smell. He claimed that my feet were not smelly, and then he brought out a big bowl of warm, soapy water, and washed my feet. I submit that no pregnant woman has ever had it this good.
06 February: You taste like donuts. (Jen)
I can't explain it. Sometimes I kiss Ben and he smells or tastes delicious. Other times he smells like the salmon jerky he just ate and I can feel my throat prepare for vomit to pass through. I have to go immediately to a place with loads of fresh air. This poses another problem: it's 40 F outside (often snowing, too) and I can't get enough fresh air. I keep the sliding glass door to our balcony open for as long as Ben can stand it, offering him blankets before I'll consider closing the thing. Almost every smell (whether I used to like it or not) makes me either feel faint and short of breath or like I want to puke. It seems to follow then (and it does) that I have aversions to foods offering any kind of smell at all. So far, though, I've craved the following consistently: donuts, water, bread (the nuttier, the better) with butter, and frozen yogurt. Basically everything else has made me want to puke at one time or another. I do not like this new improved smeller at all; I stand convinced that as far as smells go, ignorance is bliss.
06 February: My Breast Friend (Ben)
You may have entertained fantasies about the fun you'd have with your wife's growing breasts during pregnancy. Think again; they're tender, which means you can't really touch them and they soon outgrow any and all bras your wife may already own which means on top of all the other baby expenses, you need to buy new bras she'll only wear for a month or so. And if you like the busty look, you may be interested to know that after nursing, many women go down a cup size from their original. When it's all said and done, it may not be all its cupped up to be ...